Best for Babes

Under the influence of the holiday spirit,  (and late nights of deranged cookie-baking) I re-wrote the 12 Days of Christmas to reflect the Best for Babes vision of what it would take to really help moms.  I’ve explained below why each of these gifts would rebuild our shattered breastfeeding infrastructure, and contribute to a world where all mothers who want to breastfeed could meet their personal breastfeeding goals without pressure, judgment or guilt.  Moms, babies, our society and the planet would benefit.

Before you continue reading, click on the image to the right, and go ahead and sing it!  It’s more fun when you actually do it. It may take a bit of nimbleness, but I tried it out on my kids and husband, so can vouch that it is sing-able.

(As Dr. Seuss might put it, you can sing it to your hospital, doctor, employer and store, sing it at the mall, they’ll ask for more!  Sing it far and sing it loud, sing it to the squeamish crowd.  Sing it at your breastfeeding meeting, sing it as a friendly greeting.   Sing it to help moms succeed, and fulfill every breastfeeding need!”)

Print-out version of  Best for Babes’ Breastfeeding Days of Christmas

How 12 Gifts Would Rebuild Our Shattered Breastfeeding Infrastructure

A mother wanting to breastfeed: 74% of mothers want to breastfeed and are trying to breastfeed, but only 40% are achieving their personal goals, and only 12% are making it to the American Academy of Pediatric’s minimum recommendation of six months exclusive breastfeeding.   Even worse, most moms are not even getting through the first few days or weeks of exclusive breastfeeding, and it is not their fault.   Moms are being pressured to breastfeed but set up to fail by insidious “booby traps”–cultural and institutional barriers.  It is as bad as telling someone to run a race and handing them flip-flops. For more about awful mixed messages we are giving moms, see this excellent article by babygooroo.com.

Two doula/midwives: Having a labor doula or midwife can lower the risk of a c-section, reduce labor time, perception of pain, and generally provide superior birth outcomes, which lead to better breastfeeding initiation.   Many ob/gyns and hospitals welcome the participation of a labor doula as it makes their job easier, think of it as an experienced coach who can help you way more than your husband/partner, who in all likelihood, has never delivered a baby.

Three support groups: La Leche League is the largest and best known mother-to-mother support group provider; there are also support groups springing up through IBCLCs, Maternity and breastfeeding boutiques, and hospitals.  Shop around, not all support groups are created equal and word of mouth will lead you to the best ones.  Support groups that are judgmental or do not provide accurate, scientifically-proven information are a hidden “booby trap.”

Four (FABM) MDs: FABM stands for a Fellow of the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine, and means that this physician has demonstrated advanced knowledge and skills in breastfeeding and lactation management (read between the lines: this doctor is not just giving “breast is best” lip service while handing out formula samples and undermining moms).   Similar to FAAP (Fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics) it follows the physician’s credentials, e.g. Caroline Chantry, MD, FABM .    We dream of a day when not just Ob/Gyns and pediatricians are FABMs, but allergy, diabetes, heart disease and other specialities that are impacted by increased breastfeeding rates.  When an expecting mother sees her allergist, he/she should be encouraging her to breastfeed, and discussing it in a supportive, evidence-based framework!  For more on choosing a breastfeeding-friendly physician, click here.

Five Baby-Friendly Hospitals: This is a biggie, which is why it goes in the “5 golden rings line.”  Only 3% of the 3,000 maternity and birth centers in the U.S. are designated “Baby-Friendly” under the Baby-Friendly Hospital Initiative.    The Centers for Disease Control found that 70% of hospitals perform poorly on breastfeeding support; no wonder moms are not making it through the first few days!   If all maternity & birth centers followed the ten steps to Baby-Friendly, such as rooming-in, latching the baby in the first hour, avoiding pacifiers and bottles, providing donated, screened, pasteurized human milk from a milk bank if supplementation is needed, and not handing out gift bags filled with formula samples (shown to reduce breastfeeding duration), we’d see a meteoric rise in breastfeeding rates (and population health improvement, and employee morale, and reduction in carbon emissions, etc.–we could go on and on).   Moms are being “booby-trapped” by the hospitals they trust, and it has got to stop.   Let’s move the nurse-ins to the hospital lobbies, and start writing respectful, but firm letters to hospital CEOs and copying them to the media.

Six great IBCLCs: An IBCLC is an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant.   To find the best ones, click here, and be aware that like in every other field, there are some quacks.  If your “lactation specialist” in the hospital is judgmental, grabs your boob, hands out nipple shields like candy, or otherwises raises your finely-tuned mom’s instinct antennae, call your La Leche League group, friendly doula/midwife, or local breastfeeding boutique for the name of a good one that can visit you in the hospital.  We urge you to complain to the CEO of your hospital if you have a negative experience, and write a letter of commendation if you were helped.  Copy it to your local newspaper.

Seven partners protecting: The role of your partner or spouse in protecting the breastfeeding relationship when a mother is at her most fragile and vulnerable is invaluable.   Forget sending him or her to labor classes (get a doula instead); make sure your husband or partner is educated about the hospital booby traps and is ready to bare their teeth to all the insidious attempts to derail your breastfeeding efforts.  This is where he/she can really be your hero.

Eight friends a-helping: Not only should your friends cheer you on for your decision to breastfeed, they should line themselves up to cook, clean, babysit your toddler, grocery shop and run errands for you.   Your job is to rest and to get the hang of breastfeeding, you are an athelete in training with a single focus.  Entertaining guests is for later!

Nine celebs a-nursing: Celebrities are hugely influential in our celeb-obsessed culture, and can have a positive influence on the many women who have few or no breastfeeding role models.  After Angelina Jolie’s breastfeeding cover on W magazine, many women wrote that if she could nurse twins, they felt empowered to do it too.  We also need more celebrities to talk about more benefits of breastfeeding than just losing weight, and share their intimate breastfeeding stories in our context of helping moms (see our interviews with Kelly Rutherford and Gabrielle Reece).  We need celebrities to nurse in public to show solidarity with moms who face huge social disapproval for nursing discreetly, or are outright discriminated against.    We need celebrities to lobby for the Breastfeeding Promotion Act, and increased funding for breastfeeding infrastructure . . . in short, breastfeeding needs a Bono, Fox, Gere or Gore.   Salma, Angelina, Gwyneth, Sigourney:  we need your help!

Ten nursing nooks: Boy are we tired of hearing about moms who are thrown out of stores, restaurants and even airplanes for breastfeeding.   It’s really getting old. And just for the record, most moms prefer to be discreet, but some babies yank those blankets right off.   Wouldn’t it be great if every mall, every shopping plaza, and every airport had a cozy nursing lounge (i.e. NOT the bathroom)?   And every store and restaurant had a quick and easy supportive breastfeeding policy?  We’re working on it, and have an exciting platform, but we need your help to raise the funds to make it a reality.    We’d love it if big breastfeeding-friendly retailers like Nordstrom would sponsor it; and it would help the image and PR of Target, Applebees, Victoria’s Secret and Starbucks if they would jump on board too.   Did we mention that 74% of moms try to breastfeed?   That’s at least 3 million moms per year, and billions that have ever breastfed!

Eleven strangers cheering: Best for Babes is working to change the breastfeeding culture in the United States so that the public not only accepts breastfeeding, but thinks it’s cool, hip and fabulous.   This takes giving breastfeeding a makeover and branding and “marketing it to be as mainstream as motherhood itself”.   This does not mean the overbearing lecture to moms on all the benefits of breastfeeding, it means setting a positive example and attracting women to breastfeeding so they are psyched and pumped up to breastfeed, much like working out or making any other lifestyle change!   Face it, we all need a little motivation (benefits are great, but a cute workout suit can help too) to get to the gym, and breastfeeding is no different:  some helpful information, some stellar breastfeeding products that make it more fun and a little easier can go a long way.   Most of all, it takes a culture that adopts the Best for Babes credo of cheering on, coaching and celebrating ALL moms to make informed breastfeeding decisions, and achieve their personal breastfeeding goals whether it is one week one month or one year or not at all.  We need to gently lower the defensiveness of women who didn’t breastfeed or couldn’t breastfeed by ending the horrible cycle of pressure, judgment and guilt.   Like seatbelts and sunscreen, our mothers didn’t know better.   Many of our peers were “booby-trapped” by the barriers, and feel awful about it, and are blaming themselves not realizing they were set up to fail.   Some moms truly can’t breastfeed–how do you argue with a double mastectomy, or medication contraindicated by breastfeeding, or having tried everything to no avail?  If 95% of women are capable of breastfeeding successfully, there are still 5% that are not, no matter how many IBCLCs they see.  Another reason we need more milk banks!  Most importantly, ALL moms deserve compassion and respect.   With a little TLC for all, we’ll find the “breast vs. bottle” debate  and the mommy and boob wars will lose steam and that even the moms who decided not to breastfeed or couldn’t breastfeed because of barriers will start cheering moms on.   Case in point:  My co-founder’s mother, who didn’t breastfeed her daughter, is one of our staunchest supporters.  My special request, please read these two articles if you are a breastfeeding advocate (hint: become a mom advocate first):  “Shame and the Mom: A Boob Story” by herbadmother.com, and “When Boobs Collide” by Hisboyscanswim.com.

Twelve supportive employers: This is last on the list because the reality is that most new moms are not making it past the first few days and weeks of exclusive breastfeeding, long before their maternity leave ends and they go back to work.  (Oh yeah, and we have some of the worst maternity leave policies of any industrialized nation, so let’s assume that not all mothers even get maternity leave, unlike most European countries with high breastfeeding rates that provide a year or more.   Some companies provide 3 months but that is not enough.)   But the specter of having to fight for the right and the breaks to pump on the job, be sneered at and harassed, and have no place to pump besides the bathroom or a dirty closet with an outlet, can discourage many working moms from trying to breastfeed in the first place.   And the ironic kicker?   Breastfeeding benefits a company’s bottom line; less sick days used, lower employee turnover, higher morale, lower benefits expenses, better attraction of qualified employees, the list goes on.  Go figure.

Reality TV star and former Playboy model Kendra Wilkinson is successfully breastfeeding, despite her initial fears.  (You may remember that US magazine reported that both Kendra Wilkinson and Kourtney Kardashian were concerned they would not be able to nurse their babies because of breast implants received at a young age.)  While the full story in the  December 17 issue of OK! magazine does not mention breastfeeding (and states that husband Hank gave baby the first feed), we’ve been told by a spokesperson that Ms. Wilkinson started breastfeeding on the second day and is very happy to be nursing her baby.

Ms. Wilkinson got quite a bit of publicity for sharing about her fears.   We wrote about it, offered some breastfeeding advice and a shopping list, and extended our cheers to Wilkinson, Kourtney Kardashian and US magazine for helping to change the public perception of breastfeeding and making it more mainstream.   Soon after, we noticed an increase in the number of articles talking about implants and breastfeeding, which is wonderful!   More surgeons who are performing breast augmentation and reduction surgeries need to know about procedures that preserve the milk ducts, and it should be standard protocol to discuss those options with patients in their childbearing years.   More mothers who are planning to breastfeed deserve access to evidence-based information about breastfeeding with implants so they can prepare and plan accordingly.

Congratulations to Ms. Wilkinson for overcoming one of the earliest “booby-traps”–fear of breastfeeding due to misinformation.   On behalf of all the moms and babies we serve, we thank her for raising awareness of this important health issue.   Celebrities who share their personal breastfeeding stories, like Kelly Rutherford and Gabrielle Reece, help us cheer on, coach and celebrate moms to achieve their personal breastfeeding goals without pressure, judgment and guilt, and to get evidence-based and inspiring information into the hands of more moms.    This is an exciting and wonderful time in a new mother’s life and we want all mothers who decide to breastfeed to have a positive breastfeeding experience!

There are an ever growing number of breastfeeding books coming to market, some that are more evidence-based than others, some that are more user-friendly than others, some that bring a much needed sense of humor.   All come with the intention of helping mothers to succeed at breastfeeding.

And then there is Laura Keegan’s book, Breastfeeding with Comfort and Joy:  A Photographic Guide for Mom and Those Who Help Her which can be ordered exclusively at http://www.thebreastfeedingbook.com.  (Enter giveaway below!) There are many ways that this book is different from all the others I have seen; and not just because it has almost as many photographs as it does words.   Uniquely, this book unfolds in lustrous images and reassuring words, page by page, drawing the reader in soothingly, much as a new mother draws her baby close for comfort and sustenance.   It is easy to read in one sitting; in fact I could not stop.   I was as mesmerized by the language as I was by the photos, most of which were taken by the author.    I still get goosebumps from the photo on page 2.

Although the photos–which are unapologetically graphic–do tend to take center stage, the text is a worthy match.   The introduction lays out the intention of the book to clear away the chatter of breastfeeding war stories we’ve all heard before, and to remind us that breastfeeding can actually be incredibly wondrous and enjoyable if moms are given the right support.   This concept is very much at the heart of what Best for Babes is all about–breastfeeding has been made far too difficult by a gauntlet of “booby traps” that keep moms from succeeding, despite their best intentions.   We believe that no one should tell moms what to do, but for pete’s sake, if she wants to breastfeed, let her succeed!   As long as 60% of moms are being prevented from achieving their personal breastfeeding goals by our disapproving culture and by hospitals, physicians, employers and insurers, it will be hard to get breastfeeding continuation rates to go up–only 11% are making it to the minimum 6 months recommended by the AAP.  As long as moms are struggling unnecessarily and not enjoying the breastfeeding experience they will pass on their horror stories and dissuade their peers.   We can do better for moms!

There is a surprisingly large amount of evidence-based information packed in to a small space.   There have been other excellent reviews (see the Motherwear Blog) of the lactation science in the book, and I defer to experts such as Tanya Lieberman, IBCLC.   However, I was very interested and happy to see the context Keegan established about “bottle-feeding imprinting” and how our culture interferes with mother’s natural nursing instinct.   I enjoyed how she succinctly explained skin-to-skin contact and the work of Lennart Righard, as well as the mother’s amazing ability to regulate her temperature to warm up her baby, even on command.    As someone who is squeamish about breastfeeding at heart, I did gulp at some of the photos, but I think they are incredibly important for helping moms get comfortable with their bodies, and they are needed to help change our culture.   Most of all, though this book wants us to fall in love with breastfeeding, and I did, in a way that I didn’t get a chance to experience when I was going through it myself.   For an expecting mother or new mother, I can’t think of a better gift.

I am especially pleased to be able to share actress Kelly Rutherford’s endorsement of the book as well.   Kelly has been very outspoken about breastfeeding, sharing her story openly with us and using her celebrity status as a star of “Gossip Girls” to raise awareness and appreciation of breastfeeding, and helping us shift the pressure off moms and on to the “booby traps”.   Here is what she had to say about Breastfeeding With Comfort and Joy:

To order the book, go to http://www.thebreastfeedingbook.com.  I am giving away one copy of the book, to enter to win, post a comment below by October 23rd explaining how you would use this book to help mothers and babies.   Only entries from the United States please.

In an exclusive interview, Us Magazine announces that reality stars Kourtney Kardashian and Kendra Wilkinson still want to breastfeed, despite implants!   Here from the joint interview:

“I was so scared that I wasn’t going to be able to nurse that when I saw stuff come out of my nipples the other day, I was like, I can breast-feed?” Wilkinson, 24, tells Us Weekly in an exclusive joint interview with Kardashian, 30. ” And I asked my doctor, who said, ‘That’s fine, but it’s not milk yet!’”

Adds Kardashian (who, like Wilkinson, is also due in December), “They say usually you can [breast-feed with implants]. I want to.”

First of all, hurray for Us Magazine covering a hot topic and drawing attention to an issue that so many moms have questions about, and kudos to Kardashian & Wilkinson for openly sharing their fears.    We need more celebrities to air their feelings about breastfeeding and share their breastfeeding experiences!  Hugely popular magazines like Us can help raise awareness and get info into the hands of more mothers.

Here is our advice and a shopping list  for Ms. Kardashian and Ms. Wilkinson:

The amazing ”stuff coming out of your nipple” is called colostrum! Your body starts to make colostrum before birth and for a few days after birth.  It is incredibly rich in nutrients, antibodies, live cells and  development and immune-building agents.  It looks like raw honey, and contrary to what your doctor told you, it is considered ”the first milk” by health experts and is even referred to as “liquid gold” because it is so precious and valuable to baby!   It coats the baby’s digestive tract and makes it less permeable to infection and disease–breastfed babies’ intestinal linings are 15 times thicker than that of formula fed babies!  Frequent, early feedings of colostrum (8-12 feedings in the first 24 hours) help your baby get rid of excess bilirubin and prevent jaundice.  Latch that baby on in the first hour after birth.

Many women who have had breast augmentation (implants) or reduction have gone on to successfully and exclusively feed their babies breastmilk.    A great resource for these, and all moms, is the book Making More Milk by Diane West, IBCLC and Lisa Marasco, MA, IBCLC.   You’ll find lots of information on increasing your milk supply.   You’ll be amazed at what your body can do, and what making milk for your precious wee one does for your mama mojo!   Check out and websites lowmilksupply.org and bfar.org (breastfeeding after reduction), and get the help of a recommended IBCLC–International Board Certified Lactation Counselor.   Should you need to supplement, there is nothing better for your babe than donated, screened, pasteurized human milk from a registered milk bank.

Shop! While all you really need to breastfeed is right under your nose, a few items can make the process easier and more enjoyable.   These are our recommendations, based on our and other experts experience in helping new mothers succeed with breastfeeding:

1) Simply Breastfeeding DVD. This awesome, full-length breastfeeding class will knock your socks off and you’ll be amazed and empowered with what you learn in the privacy of your home.  Round up your husband, future grandparents, and any caregivers of baby;  pop some popcorn and enjoy the show.

2) My Brest Friend Breastfeeding Pillow. There are lots of supposed breastfeeding pillows on the market, this one is the silver platter for bringing baby up to the boob bar.  There is simply no better product on the market to help you get a good latch and get breastfeeding off to a good start; it is used in progressive hospitals and by most lactation counselors and comes in soft cozy colors and prints.

3) Earth Mama Angel Baby Breastfeeding Support Kit. Tender nipples need tender loving care.   Spread on some all natural, toxin-free Nipple Butter and breathe a sigh of relief.   Booby Tubes are better than gel packs because they can be heated or cooled and don’t leak anything dangerous.   Milkmaid Tea boosts production, and Bosom Buddies soothes the swelling.

4) A Foot Stool.   Putting your feet up on a slanted breastfeeding stool will do wonders for your back, belly, boobs and baby.   No mom should be without one.

5) A Good Pump:  Especially for moms with concerns about low milk production, a good breastpump can be a lifesaver.   Our favorites are made by Ameda and Hygeia, and both are BPA free.   Hygeia’s breastpump is new on the market, and we love what we see:  a closed system means it is reusable, it is recyclable (wow!) and it is promising as being one of the best pumps out there.   We have already started to refer to it affectionately as a “lean, green, pumping machine!”

6) Cover Up? For some reason, we’re sure these gals are not too shy, but if modesty is called for, a cute cover-up by Lilabean or Hotslings is just the ticket.   Why not suckle in style?

Our last tip?     Set small realistic goals–commit to the first 6 to 8 week learning curve, and take it a day at a time or a week at a time in that vulnerable postpartum period.   Let your men be your heroes in  protecting you and your babies from the booby traps, and let your family and friends bring you food and nurture YOU until breastfeeding is going smoothly.   Remember that everything worth having is worth working for, and enjoy this precious time!

To win a Breastfeeding Support Kit, courtesy of our fabulous sponsor Earth Mama Angel Baby, leave a comment saying what you think of this post, why you need a kit, and including the word GIVEAWAY.  Winner will be announced.

Actress Kelly Rutherford plays a glamorous mother on the hit CW television show Gossip Girl and is known for her work on the series Melrose Place and Generations.  Not only is she beautiful and talented, but she has also become a role model to many nursing moms.

The Best for Babes Foundation is deeply grateful to Ms. Rutherford for sharing her intimate and very personal breastfeeding story, as it gives us the opportunity to share expert information with moms and shed light on the cultural and institutional barriers—or “booby traps”—that are keeping 60% of new moms from achieving their personal breastfeeding goals, and keeping 89% from achieving the minimum recommended by the American Academy of Pediatrics.  We’ve listed expert tips and resources for new and expecting moms at the end of the interview.  

 The Best for Babes Foundation especially admires Ms. Rutherford for her accepting and non-judgmental attitude:   “It’s different for every mother,” she has said.  “I don’t judge anyone for not breastfeeding and I don’t think people should be judging me.”  The Best for Babes Foundation asks that the media and readers be respectful in sharing the story and in making comments.  All comments are moderated. 

How Kelly Prepared for Breastfeeding and the First Feeding

Best for Babes:  Did you always plan to breastfeed?   Did you have support for that decision?

Kelly Rutherford:   Yes.  I found a group of women that were very much pro-breastfeeding, especially my doula and my mid-wife. (1)   It helped me feel more comfortable, because not all my girlfriends breastfed, or if they did, it was often for a shorter period of time, partly because they had to go back to work.  It’s not always easy to go back to work and continue nursing. (2)

Actress Kelly Rutherford

 KR:   I took a class, but at the end of the day, if they are not latching on, then you feel “what’s wrong with me, what’s wrong with the baby.”    Then, you have all sorts of experts talk about what’s going on. What I discovered, is that it is very important that the baby breastfeeds right away when she is  born.(3)   As soon as I gave birth to my daughter, she was right on the boob, and I’ve had no problems.  It was a big difference from the first birth, with my son, which was a very long one, so they thought, let me rest a little bit, but then by the time I breastfed him it had been a few hours.  With my daughter, obviously the doctor made sure that everything was okay, but I didn’t do all of the procedures they recommend right away, I did the least amount that was necessary that was still healthy, so that my daughter would be able to latch right away.(4) 

 BfB:  Well you’re right, it does make a difference, there’s a window of opportunity right after birth where it’s easiest to start breastfeeding, there are videos which show that a brand new baby can actually crawl up the stomach and latch on the boob by itself!   

 KR:   I’ve seen those videos and they are amazing.  That’s also why the areola is darker, so it’s easier to find!

 BfB:  Exactly, it’s a bullseye.  Nature planned it out really well. (5)

Overcoming Early Challenges

BfB:  It sounds like you had a bit of a hard time in those early, potentially challenging first weeks after having Hermes.

 I had every problem you could have with my son in the beginning.   I had chafing; my toes would curl when he would latch on, because it was so painful in the beginning (6).   You’ve just had a baby, and you want everything to be perfect.  You want to give your child everything you can, so I called everybody!   One person told me the skin under the tongue might be too short and might have to be cut (7), and even though it freaked me out, I got it checked and ruled out. I just wish I had had him on the breast right away when he was born!  And I had some woman tell me I had to pump because I was engorged, but I wasn’t even that engorged, and I should have just breastfed him.  At the beginning you don’t know, you’re just so new, and everything is so overwhelming, and everyone is telling you something different (8), and your husband is sitting there looking at you, and he’s trying to figure out how the  pump works in the middle of the night, the whole thing is just cuckoo.  

 BfB:   So you were at the mercy of all these different opinions, just like millions of moms.  Millions of moms are not getting evidence-based help early enough—so they are experiencing difficulties that are avoidable.   No wonder so many are throwing in the towel.  (9)

KR:   Yes!  It’s so hard and you feel like such a failure.   It took me about six weeks (10) to get my groove on and get it to where I had a lot of milk and my son was sleeping, and feeding well.

BfB:   That’s about right, that’s about how long it takes.  Did you use a lactation consultant?

KR:   I did, actually I tried a few different people and resources, and it became a little overwhelming.   I finally met a woman who was incredible (11).  She’s the one I turned to for everything, she said don’t even give your son a bottle, you don’t need to give him a pacifier, she was really pro-breastfeeding, and that was so important.  She gave me some herbs to take, she told me to drink more water, and to get more rest, which was key.  The combination really helped.   You know, you hear so many different things about switching sides, or how often, or how long on each side, or on a schedule!   With my son, I ended up breastfeeding on demand, but with my daughter, I’ve been doing it more on schedule, probably because it was just easier from the beginning, and I have to, because I have a three-year old running around!  

BfB:   With the second birth, you tend to make more milk, Kelly, and so they may be easier to schedule.  It also depends on the disposition or temperament of the baby . . . some babies just won’t tolerate being scheduled!

KR:   That’s the way it was with my son, and finally I just decided to have him with me.   I had one of those slings, and he was just on me all the time!    Any time he cried or fussed, I just breastfed, whether it was for comfort or for food.   When they’re little like that, it just made sense to me.   Plus, I didn’t want to put him down!   I probably didn’t let anyone hold him for the first few weeks, other than his dad. 

BfB:   The sling is a great tool.   Is that something you would recommend to other mothers?

KR:   I think the sling is fantastic, and there are so many chic ones now.  You can even get a couple of different ones, they have some cool features.   It also depends on whether your baby likes it . . . my son loved it, I would take him for walks and go to lunch with my friends, and I’d be able to breastfeed from the sling.   Sometimes I’d throw a little towel over and it gave me extra privacy, and my son was comforted because he heard my voice and my heartbeat.  My daughter is not as crazy about the sling, so I end up carrying her. 

 Dealing with Sibling Rivalry 

 BfB:   How has your son reacted to your daughter and to your breastfeeding her?

 KR:   Well, he’s still nursing too, so they both just nurse. 

 BfB:   Wow!    Good for you!  Has that helped with the sibling rivalry that sometimes comes with a newborn? 

 KR:  I think it’s really helped the transition with the new baby that my son still gets that comfort and that cuddling.   I’ve heard that babies that have been weaned when they see you nurse a newborn want to start nursing again.  

 BfB:   Absolutely, toddlers do get jealous sometimes and tandem nursing (12) is a wonderful transitional tool.

 KR:   I just want to say, to each his own.  I know it’s not for everyone.  Some people wonder how I do it and isn’t it exhausting but you have to realize it’s not all the time.   My son is mostly busy doing other stuff and it’s more of a comfort thing, but it is really cute when they are nursing together.   He just looks at her, and checks her out, and puts his hand on her little feet.   It gives him this close-up intimate look at her, and it’s very beautiful to see them to kind of get to know each other.   When a child is starting to be independent, to be able to come back to the mother and hold on, they are processing things when they are nursing.   The world is a big place for us, imagine what it is for them.  For children, it’s a nurturing, cuddly place to come back to that’s safe, where they can process the world that they are in.   I see my son processing, and my daughter already; they sit, they look at you, they are safe, they have a moment to breathe, to be nurtured.

 BfB:   We appreciate your sharing so honestly about this.  Some women can’t imagine tandem nursing and can benefit from hearing another woman’s experience.  Then they can factor it into making a decision that is right for them.

 KR:  I had a girlfriend who was very pro-nursing and would have kept going, but after about a year-and-a-half, that was it, her daughter was done.  Each child is different and each mother is different, and I think that’s the important thing to look at here:   it’s not that you have to go that long, I think it depends on your circumstances and your child. 

BfB:   Right!  Moms deserve to get information free from undermining influences, and then be trusted to do what’s best for themselves and their families.  Instead, new moms leave the hospitals with free formula samples which are proven to reduce breastfeeding duration, and then they are judged or feel guilty for giving up breastfeeding even though they never got the right support.  For most moms, it’s not their fault—we live in a culture that is not truly breastfeeding-friendly, just gives it a lot of lip- service!      

KR:  Or they’re being told “you’re emotional” and you’re like, yeah, of course I am, I just gave birth which is the most extraordinary thing you can do.   You’re trying to be the best mom you can be, you’re being told a bunch of different things, and you’re tired! 

Kelly on Breastfeeding at Work, in Public, and on Social Disapproval

BfB:   You’ve obviously been working and breastfeeding.   Have you faced any discrimination at work? 

KR:   Not really at work, and not too much in public either.  I do have friends that have that problem but fortunately I have not.   I have a great job and it’s been really supportive of me as a mother and of me breastfeeding.

BfB:   Believe it or not some companies provide smoking breaks but not pumping breaks, and no place to pump besides a dirty broom closet with an outlet or the bathroom.  What do you think of the Breastfeeding Promotion Act, which has been re-introduced into Congress and aims to end this discrimination under the 1964 Civil Rights Amendment?  

KR:   I’m happy to endorse the Breastfeeding Promotion Act (13) and anything that is associated with this.  It’s hard to go back to work and continue nursing.   I’ve even heard of people being discriminated against on airplanes.  And the thing is, every time we’ve travelled, my son is nursing on take-off and landing, and so his ears don’t hurt.  As a result, he’s a lot less fussy, he doesn’t cry like a lot of kids do, and that’s a lot more pleasant for everyone on the airplane.

BfB:   That is a great tool and it is so worth sharing.  More moms need to hear that because so many moms fear public disapproval (14).     

KR:   I would love to endorse anything in terms of this . . . in the beginning, I kind of felt alone out there [after sharing about nursing Hermes as a toddler] because all of a sudden everyone in the press was talking about it, good and bad, and I thought, oh my God, what have I said!  I didn’t think it was that risqué or odd to talk about it, because it is acceptable to talk about so many things in the world.   Just consider what they talk about on the news, or even show on the news!

BfB:   Or for example the giant billboard about hemorrhoids that I saw on the way to the airport.   That is a lot more offensive to us than somebody nursing in public.

KR:   And really, breastfeeding is nature’s way, how have we gotten so away from this, that we don’t appreciate the beauty of it?    It’s because of the pacing of our lives, and because of the industry that created formula putting pressure on us to move away from the natural way.

BfB:   That’s exactly right.  

Kelly’s Advice:   It’s a Day to Day Process and Just Do Your Best

KR:   Ultimately, we just have to do what we can as mothers.   It comes down to, hey, this is the best I can do as a mother, and if the best you can do is nurse for the first 3 weeks, 3 months or six months, or whatever you can do, hey, that’s great.   Even if you can only do it for a short period in the beginning, you’re still helping.   A lot of women have a lot of pressures, they have to get back to work, or they are getting pressure from their husbands, or whatever.   Just to realize that this child can live on to 80, 90 or 100 and if you take one one or two years to do this, it is not a long period of time in their life or your life. 

BfB:   So six months is worth it for a lifetime of benefits.  New studies show a lower risk of heart disease for mothers who breastfeed, and a hugely lower risk for pre-menopausal breast cancer for those with a family history.   Yet, most moms are being prepared and supported much more for 9 months of pregnancy and a couple days of labor than for breastfeeding success. (15)   

KR:   And it kind of flies by.  I had thought, well I’ll just nurse for as long as it makes sense, and here I am and if you had asked me, I’d at least like to do it for a year, we’ll see how it goes.  And then you realize two years have flown by, and you’re like, oh my gosh, I’m still doing this, well, it’s okay, he’s not in college!  (laughs)

BfB:   Some experts put it in the perspective of the global average, which is between 4 and 7 years.   Nursing beyond a year makes sense for our species; we are “carry mammals” whose babies are born extremely immature and developmentally dependent.  Not everyone can breastfeed (16), not everyone can make it work in our culture (17), but if you can, you should feel good about it, and not be judged for it.   

KR:   There’s so much comfort involved, bonding involved, and security.

BfB:   What advice would you give to a mother who says “I’m thinking about it, but I’m just not sure.”  For example, before my (Bettina’s) first was born, I wasn’t sure I really wanted to breastfeed.   

KR:  I would say, “What are you not sure about?  What are your concerns?”  Because we have to address a woman’s concerns! (18)  Is it the time you are going to be spending doing it?   Is it that you don’t think you can do it?   Is it that you think it will affect your relationship with your partner or your husband, what are the issues at hand here?   I think not to look at it as a huge overwhelming thing, look at it like everything in life, as a day to day process, that evolves, between you and your child.  Don’t look at it like, oh my God, I might have to breastfeed for the next two years of my life.   That’s overwhelming, to anybody!  Whenever we look that far in the future about any change we are making in our lives, even a year can seem overwhelming.  I say, stay in the moment and listen to your heart.   I think children are here to teach us just as much as we are here to teach them.  They are here to teach us to slow down, to take the time to focus on what is really important in this world.

BfB:   You’ve said that beautifully and we are so grateful that you’ve been so open and honest with us.   We hope that attitudes about breastfeeding can change, after all, there was a time when using seatbelts and sunscreen were not commonly practiced either.     

KR:   It’s a little scary at first to talk about because it’s not something everybody talks about, but I think it’s beautiful what you’re doing and incredible.  I think the fact that you’ve come together, and that you are doing this shows that things are shifting in the world.  Thank you!

BfB:  Thank YOU, Kelly, for being a pioneer and a leader in sharing your incredible story!

Tips & Resources  

1. To find a doula, you can type in your zip code at http://www.dona.org.  
2. See http://www.workandpump.com and our Top 5 Tips for Breastfeeding and Going Back to Work
3. “Latch Within the First Hour” was the theme of World Breastfeeding Week 2008, and is one of the secrets to early breastfeeding success.
4. Consult with your health-care practioner, see  A-Team  to make sure your practitioner is breastfeeding-friendly.
5. Learn more amazing and little-known facts about your mom-made wonder food™!
6. While there may be some initial discomfort with latching, acute pain is not okay!   If you are experiencing pain see an International Board Certified Lactation Counselor (IBCLC).  Not getting the RIGHT help EARLY enough is one of the biggest reasons moms stop nursing before they intend to.
7. “Tongue-Tie”, a short frenulum, or other problems with suckling are overlooked as a cause of a poor latch and pain with breastfeeding.  Often a simple outpatient procedure can correct the problem, unfortunately, today’s physicians are not as educated about tongue-tie because of reliance on bottle-feeding.  Recently, the AAP issued new recommendations for physicians to address this.
8. Conflicting advice from well-meaning friends or even professionals, is a Booby Trap!  Not all doctors or mothers are breastfeeding experts.  To resolve problems, please seek out the help of a International Board Certified Lactation Consultant, or if your insurance doesn’t cover it, go to a breastfeeding support group led by a certified lactation counselor or a La Leche League Leader.
9. It is simply not acceptable that 60% of mothers are not able to meet their personal breastfeeding goals, whether that is one week, one month, or one year.  Moms are being urged to breastfeed but set up to fail by cultural and institutional barriers.  Please help us Beat the Booby Traps and put pressure on the barriers, not moms! 
10. It typically takes 2-6 weeks to master the Learning Curve of breastfeeding.
11. To find a lactation consultant, plug in your zipcode at  Ilca.org or   Breastfeeding.com.  Kelly’s lactation consultant was Cynthia Epps, MS, IBCLC of MotherWork.
12. La Leche League has a collection of articles on tandem nursing, or read Adventures in Tandem Nursing, by Hilary Flower — this book has a cute cover! 
13. See The United States Breastfeeding Committee (USBC) to learn more about the Breastfeeding Promotion Act.   It just takes a few minutes to show your support!
14.  A recent survey in the U.K. reported that 2 out of 3 moms fear disapproval or rude stares for nursing in public. 
15. See our Ultimate Breastfeeding Checklist  for  expecting moms.
16.  While most moms are physically capable of breastfeeding, a few are not, and should be respected, not judged, and provided with resources.  According to the World Health Organization, the best substitute after the mother’s own milk is screened, pasteurized, donated human milk (see hmbana.org).  
17. Some moms choose not to breastfeed; often it is the cultural or institutional barriers (Booby Traps), that have prevented them from deciding to breastfeed or succeeding at breastfeeding.   Regardless of the reason, moms deserve to be respected, not judged and provided with resources.  None of us can walk in another woman’s shoes, she deserves our support.   
18.  The best advice ever; thank you Kelly!   We need to do less talking about the benefits and more listening to mom’s concerns.  If your mother-in-law disapproves of breastfeeding, you’re afraid of nursing in public, or your employer provides no support (to name just a few obstacles), the benefits of breastfeeding pale in comparison to the Booby Traps.  When we know a mother’s concerns, we can help her problem-solve and find solutions that work for her, and we can advocate for more change!

In her first interview since giving birth to twin girls Charlie and Dolly four months ago, Rebecca Romijn reveals to Extra that her secret to losing weight is breastfeeding.   She’s pretty candid that with nursing twins, she hasn’t “been able to work out that much . . . It’s impossible to get back into a regular schedule.”    She goes on to admit that she is not back in shape, but what’s great is that she doesn’t seem to care. 

It’s also so awesome that Ms. Romijn is breastfeeding twins, especially at 4 months.  The best thing a mom who is expecting a duo can do is meet with a lactation consultant and get prepared.  For some tips on how to succeed with twins, see our contribution to the Celebrity Baby Blog story on Angelina Jolie, and for a good laugh, read Double Trouble by Suzanne Schlosberg.   Guaranteed you will have a new appreciation for Ms. Romijn and all moms who have tried–and/or succeeded–with nursing twins!

We’re thrilled that Ms. Romijn is so open about the fact that she is breastfeeding, because celebrities can really help lessen the cultural squeamishness around nursing.   I was one of those people who was uncomfortable seeing a mother nursing, most likely because it was so rare.   When celebrities share that they are nursing it helps desensitize us.   It can even be a clever way to sway your mother or mother-in-law who would feel more comfortable if you didn’t breastfeed.   If the subject comes up (again), try casually mentioning that Gwyneth Paltrow, Kelly Ripa and ____________ (insert the name of her favorite celebrity that you happen to know breastfed here) and perhaps she’ll change her perspective a little bit!    For the latest updates on breastfeeding celebrities, check out the breastfeeding page at Celebrity-Babies.com.

Have you ever “name-dropped” a breastfeeding celeb?

By now you may have heard about the huge flap over Facebook removing photos of women nursing, the ensuing online protest on December 27th (Reuters) as it is being debated throughout the media, i.e. the Times, ABC News, the NY Times and lots and lots of blogs.  Discussions center on the issue of public breastfeeding, and whether Facebook can control social media information (SF Gate).  

Facebook is not budging on the issue but let’s look at the very fat silver lining.   In serving the interests of a few squeamish about nursing, Facebook’s tactic has backfired and breastfeeding is unexpectedly back in the limelight.   In the past few days, groups and causes have been sprouting up on Facebook like weeds—some nasty, but many very nice—in support of breastfeeding.  

Expecting Models Jessica Hebert

 By the way, the glam photo of Best for Babes’   breastfeeding cover girl has not been taken down from Facebook, but it doesn’t violate their terms either, as far as we can tell!

If we get lucky, and breastfeeding gets a Bono, there is a chance that the media will shift the spotlight away from the Facebook/public nursing debate (is it just another “mommy war”?), to the insidious barriers that are clouding the breastfeeding experience and success of so many women.  The media has done a fantastic job covering new scientific studies about the benefits of breastfeeding, and we’re certainly glad that they have been covering the Facebook controversy, and mostly siding with breastfeeding moms.

We just wish they’d take start asking questions, like “why is breastfeeding more difficult in the U.S. than in other industrialized nations?”   Same species, same boobs, right?  The answer is a different culture. 

The sad fact is that that most U.S. women quit breastfeeding exclusively–despite their best intentions–long before they can even try nursing in public, or are even thinking about taking a photo of themselves and posting it on Facebook.   Many women throw in the towel within days or weeks of giving birth.   The social and cultural obstacles to breastfeeding are huge:  the disapproval of family and friends, the shocking fact that only 3% of U.S. maternity centers follow a protocol proven to result in breastfeeding success, the worst maternity leave policies of any industrialized nation, and workplace and health care discrimination, to name just a few.   Some doctors make herculean efforts to support their patients to breastfeed (despite being squeezed between health care paperwork and malpractice lawsuits); many doctors give it lip service (pun!) at best.   Despite clear evidence that the first few hours and days in the hospital can make or break breastfeeding, news that most hospitals perform poorly on breastfeeding support barely makes it across the mainstream radar, and is quickly forgotten if it does. 

In the meantime, we’re happy to have Facebook give breastfeeding moms all the face time in the media that we can get.

The fabulous Motherwear Blog has posted a roundup of the top truly inspirational breastfeeding celebrities in 2008.   Kelly’s list starts with Angelina Jolie for raising the bar with the gorgeous W magazine cover, and moves on to down-to-earth, ”I’ll lose the weight soon enough, now I’m focused on breastfeeding and doing the best for my baby” moms Melissa Joan Hart and Minnie Driver.   Best for Babes is thrilled that the Motherwear post included our exclusive interview with Gabrielle Reece, superstar athelete, model, fitness guru and now host of “The Honey Line“!   Read the complete post here to see what the Motherwear blog has to say about Christina Aguilera, Kelly Rutherford, Salma Hayek, Nicole Richie and Gwen Stefani.

One celebrity we’d like to see included in the list is Jessica Alba, who got a lot of attention in January 2008 when she confessed that she was more ”paranoid” about breastfeeding than she was about childbirth.   She went on to appear on the cover of Fit Pregnancy in June shortly before giving birth to Honor Marie, and credited breastfeeding to being able to lose her baby weight.   There’s some scuttlebutt that she didn’t stick with it for very long, but the point is, she tried it, which for moms that are squeamish is a big deal!   We think it’s great that she was honest about her misgivings, and great that she gave it a whirl–some 30% of new moms don’t try to breastfeed at all–not even once!–so we say that women who are on the fence need role models too.   And let’s not forget that of the 70% of women that try to breastfeed, most throw in the towel in the first few weeks, despite their best intentions.  (And that’s another story!)  The fact is, that all moms, even Jessica Alba, are being routinely undermined and discriminated against in their breastfeeding efforts.    They need our support and understanding, not judgement.  

None of us would be able to report on all the celebrities breastfeeding without the leadership of Danielle Friedland, founder of the Celebrity Baby Blog (CBB).   CBB was recently bought by People magazine and gets some 10 million page visits per month (!), making it a powerful advocate for breastfeeding moms.   To find breastfeeding celebs on CBB, scroll down to the category archives in the extreme bottom right corner of the home page.

Do you have a favorite breastfeeding celebrity, past or present?

The W magazine issue with Brad Pitt’s photo of Angelina Jolie breastfeeding on the cover hit the stands today.   The leaked photo kicked off a media frenzy, scored high approval ratings, and is being hailed as an inspiration to nursing mothers world-wide.   The question now is, can Ms. Jolie help nursing moms overcome the cultural and institutional barriers—the booby traps—that are keeping them from succeeding at breastfeeding?  Can this gorgeous photo create a cultural acceptance and appreciation of breastfeeding in the same way that Demi Moore’s Vanity Fair cover helped others appreciate the beauty of a pregnant woman’s body, and set off a booming maternity industry?

The truth is that most U.S. women throw in the breastfeeding towel in the first few weeks.  Given that low breastfeeding rates have devastating health, social, economic and environmental consequences, breastfeeding desperately needs a Bono, Gates or Gore.  Ms. Jolie’s leadership as a cultural icon and United Nations Goodwill Ambassador could create the tipping point needed to improve the health of millions of mothers and babies.

And yes, we are trying to contact Ms. Jolie, but it may be easier to get a date with the pope.