…and it’s not what you’re thinking.
Formula.
It seems to be the dirty F-word of the breastfeeding world. Anytime it’s mentioned in pro-breastfeeding circles, the venom and vitriol flow freely, along with their passive aggressive cousins, judgment and presumption.
You know, because formula feeding moms obviously don’t love their babies and don’t even care about them at all.
Does anyone really believe that?! No! (We certainly hope not.)
We know the benefits of breastfeeding. We know that breastfeeding is normal-feeding and that in a world without pervasive boobytraps, most parents would choose to breastfeed their babies, or feed them donor milk (except for those with the extremely rare condition of galactosemia).
There are tons of factors that go into parents’ decisions on how they’ll feed their babies. Some are in their control, some are absolutely not. And we wouldn’t begin to guess what those are, or pretend to know.
What we will do, is offer all moms evidence-based info. We will cheer them on, coach them, and celebrate them - regardless of what or how they are feeding their babies. We will offer understanding and welcome all mothers into our circles. We will treat them with respect. We will foster discussions without pressure, judgment, or guilt.
We will do our best to inspire, empower, and prepare moms with the most current, evidence-based info available. We will help moms to make breastfeeding work for them, understanding that it won’t look the same for everyone.
And we will not treat formula like it’s the dirty f-word. We will keep pressuring formula companies to be truthful in their advertising, (*correction 8/1/10: to refrain from ANY marketing or advertising) because advertising and marketing that violates the WHO Code hurts ALL moms, regardless of how they choose to feed their babies. We will keep working to give breastfeeding the makeover it needs to become a cultural norm again. We will work hard to give moms the solutions they need to meet their personal breastfeeding goals - whatever they may be.
We will continue to be passionate advocates for breastfeeding. And we will do it without ostracizing moms who decide not to or can’t breastfeed. We will work to help all moms have the optimal feeding experience for them, be it from a boob, a bottle, or otherwise.
Amy West, CLC
*Note from the Editor: Please accept our apologies for this error.
:: Clapping :: And this is why you will change the face of Breastfeeding advocacy! Love it & I am so behind you on this one ♥
Thank you so much for this post! I’m struggling wwith feeling so ashamed for not having a successful breastfeeding experience, and it’s a factor in my postpartum depression. I did everything I could to bring my son’s latch problems to the attention of professionals, without help. Now he’s almost a year old and those problems have surfaced again with feeding. He now gets developmental services. We did everything we could and still had to formula feed.
hi, i am a lactation consultant, you were not allowed to breastfeed, they didnt give your child the help you needed. it sounds like you asked for help. being his mom is your job and you do that. it was someone elses job to fix his feeding problem, i see lots of babies that have OT issues or structural issues and reffer them to a prof. and then see them afterwards to hepl retrain them on how to SUCKLE not SUCK. It doesnt sound like you got this kind of help,and thats not your fault. this was done to you, i am sorry. i see moms that get this kind of mistreatment, ones like you who tried to tell them there was a problem and got dimissed, moms have spent more time in utero and out than any doctor or nurse or L.C.I wish they would have listened to you, he needed help. this is in no way your fault!
I am very disappointed that you are misinfoming how many thousands of mothers that there is such a thing as “acceptable” advertising under the WHO code. The WHO code doesn’t set out guidelines for “truthful” advertising, it says there should be NO ADVERTISING OF ANY KIND. In fact it says there should be no marketing! No ads, no samples, no pictures of babies on labels, no formula names on pens, nametags, charts, posters, or pads to put on weigh scales, NOTHING, ever, period.
There is no way to create better advertising or “truthful” advertising for formula. The World Health Organisation realises that decades ago when they wrote the code. And your failure to uphold these standards is an absolutely shameful betrayal of women and children everywhere. There is no excuse. If you are working to promote the Code, then you must have at least READ it. It is very clear, there is no way to misinterpret it. Your organisation showed so much promise, and has come up with some great strategies, but you’re showing your true colours now. Which company did you guys sell out to? All of them? Or, much worse, do you foolishly think that your behaviour is acceptable?
Cassaundra-this is Bettina here-thank you for the correction, you are right, there is no advertising or marketing allowed under the WHO Code. Amy put up this post very quickly under duress and made an honest mistake; however I edited the post and am embarrassed that I didn’t fix it. I did notice it and meant to correct it but given that I was editing it from my blackberry and the kids were fighting in the back of the car as we were on our way to a family reunion, I lost my concentration and forgot.
I am, however, very saddened by your angry and unforgiving tone. Your accusations are hurtful and completely unfounded. I had hoped to enroll you to be a supporter of our cause and to join with us in creating a positive, constructive environment of compassion, understanding and action, but fear that I can not persuade you to transform your anger, even as much as I understand it. I hesitated to publish your comment, but ultimately I have faith that our thousands of followers—-including our Board member, Marsha Walker, who is an international expert and watchdog on the Code— know the truth about us (which is that we are extremely ethical, but that we too are human), and will not be shaken by one such negative and vitriolic comment. Cassaundra, I sincerely and respectfully hope you will examine whether your anger and bitterness is truly serving you and the cause and will find a way of making better use of it.
Thank you. It is critical that we stay true to the message of NO marketing, otherwise we will be undermined. I’m pleased that you do understand this because anything less is supporting the formula COMPANIES which is very different from supporting the women who use their products.
I am sorry that you fall into the trap of censoring women’s anger though. What I was or wasn’t feeling when I wrote the post is a strawman, so I won’t go there. But in order for women to be empowered we MUST stop censoring our own and others’ anger. The societal pressure to “be nice” at all times and at all costs frames women who are justifiably angry as dangerous, crazy, unintelligent etc. This particular stick is used very often by privileged women to beat down and discredit women of colour and women of lesser economic means. Playing nicey nicey doesn’t enact change. It often gets you ignored. It is specifically because anger makes us uncomfortable that we need to listen to and honour it. Since our enemy (the lies and coercion of multinational corporations) is literally KILLING our children, even here in the over-developed world, anger is justified and reasonable as a response. Keeping yourself out of the mud when others are drowning in it doesn’t mean you are clean, and telling others that they are wrong to get dirty is shaming the victims. Examine your privilege before you tell other women how to feel!
Cassaundra, please see my response to @Mary above. I have no problem with anger; it is partially what fueled Danielle and I to found Best for Babes. I agree with you that anger is justified and reasonable as a response, but in my opinion and experience it is most effective when it is in proportion to the situation, when it opens dialogue, and when it spurs a solution. Trust me, I am the fiery type, and there have been plenty of times when my own anger did not work to my advantage (for example on Saturday, I had a conversation with my cousin’s mother-in-law about politics, and it got ugly—oy). My problem is with baseless accusations (though I have no problem with questions), and with your efforts to shame us, which surprised me since it seems you don’t like shaming either!
I am so disappointed in you right now. I am almost to the point I feel guilty for supporting for you to win the money from Chase on Facebook. Cassaundra has every right to be angry with your post. You had the information WRONG. Yes, it was a mistake and not meant to be published (but obviously written by someone who was not very familiar with the WHO code) but that is how the article was presented to her! Apologize for the mistake, correct it, but by no means treat Cassaundra as being out-of-line for what she read. I am thoroughly disappointed you even considered not publishing her comment. She did not use foul language or other vulgarities and you considered censoring her because she didn’t agree with your post? It’s your website, and that’s your right, but it really makes me wonder how many other valid opinions you have censored, and it really makes me lose respect for your organization. You say clearly in this post “We will offer understanding and welcome all mothers into our circles. We will treat them with respect. We will foster discussions without pressure, judgment, or guilt.” I guess you should edit that to say “… to mothers who think formula feeding is OK”.
Mary, I have no problem with anyone who doesn’t agree with a post or an article published on our website or blog. What I have a problem with is anyone who makes utterly baseless accusations, and who uses terms such as “failure” “shameful”; who says that we are “showing your true colours now” and asks “which company did you guys sell out to? All of them?”. Maybe I am not as experienced as other bloggers, but after what my co-founder and I, our board, our families and our friends have sacrificed to create Best for Babes, I took those accusations personally. I find unsubstantiated accusations completely unconstructive in any dialogue, and in any context. I also think it is one of the reasons why the breastfeeding movement has struggled and faltered; I have seen a lot of turning on and attacking each other within the breastfeeding community instead of putting minor differences aside, forgiving mistakes, and focusing and harnessing our efforts on beating the true booby traps. I have too often see breastfeeding advocates treat another advocate who has different views or tactics as if they are on the same scale as Nestle, and it truly saddens me. With that kind of divisiveness, all of us will surely fail, and the formula companies will be laughing all the way to the bank.
I think Cassaundra brings up some very valid points. I didn’t read her comment as hateful or mean. She is direct and pulls no punches. I think more women should be like Cassaundra instead of wishy washy and push overs.
Thank you! As a woman who has had a breast reduction before having kids, I don’t have a full milk supply. I supplement with formula, but still pump and nurse as much as possible. Some days I want to give up on the BM since it’s so much work for such a small amount. Instead of making mothers feel like any amount of formula is poisoning their babies, why not make us feel that any amount of breast milk is worth it?
every ounce of your milk is chock full of antibodies to all the thhings either of you were exposed to. that makes every ounce worth it!!! we have moms my LLL group that mix feed and i applaude them, they are the babies immune system, even if they cant be all the calories. i really wish we could dispell the myth that, if you cant make all the milk the baby needs you might as well stop. that idea has become so ingrained in our programming i have seen moms tearfully quit nursing when they really only need 1/2 on ounce extra per feed!it breaks my heart, there are so mant benifits to breastfeeding for mom and baby that are NOT volume dependent!! i encourage moms to nurse first all they can then if they need more(especially after several months old) use some formula, and to hold there head high. god help anyone who is mean to them in my presence, they are doing there best! i think that is why i get so frusterated at mom who say they they didnt want to breastfeed because it takes to much time(thats the only excuse that makes me fussy)and its my issue not theirs, because i see so many moms that would dearly love to have the amply supply they are stopping.
I agree, in theory, but I can’t seem to manage to have a conversation with somebody saying “formula is just as good” or “why don’t you just quit if it’s such a hassle to breastfeed” without offending the formula advocates. I’d love to know how.
Thank you! THIS is the approach we need to take. Shame and name-calling DON’T change behavior, they just turn people into enemies and foster hate. Open, honest discussions, however, and providing support and understanding CAN change minds, and lives. There has to be a way to encourage breastfeeding and help mothers succeed at it without making those who formula feed feel like the enemy!
I’m in the lactation field and I lov, love, love your thinking!! I’m so eexcited to find something so close to my own beliefs. Anything I can do to help-i’m there! You will now be my charity of choice
Thank you for making a very guilty formula-feeding mom feel better. I had problems right from the start - flat nipples. Would you be able to do an article on that?
I love this post - It perfectly describes the feelings I have toward how we mothers feed our babies. No one deserves to be guilted over and judged by the decision that they make when it comes to feeding their baby, it’s not an easy one!
Very well written - thank you, Amy.
you are absolutely right! i am a tandum breastfeeding mother of two little girls, 5mo & 25mo, recently an old friend & mother told me how terrible she felt when my name would come up because she wanted so badly to nurse her daughter & couldnt because of helath issues, if id been judgemental i couldnt done some damage to someone so fragile in that area…since she came to me telling me how she felt ive had a much stronger conscious about HOW i say what i say
I wish we could understand that being a zealot often makes us easy to dismiss. If we judge women that don’t breastfeed, for any reason, we kill the potential for conversation. Sharing loving, caring, genuine support for ALL moms is more important than being right.
Another post on dropping the formula guilt and riding ourselves of wishing guilt on formula/bottle feeding moms: http://leakyboob.blogspot.com/2010/07/women-should-not-feel-guilty-if-they.html
I completely agree with the sentiment of this post.
I would suggest, however, that we need to do more than pressure formula companies to be truthful in their advertising. I think we need to pressure the government to ensure that advertising of formula isn’t allowed. I think we have to pressure the government to ensure that any information (not advertising) about formula is accurate. I think, in the absence of legislation that does so, we need to pressure formula companies and intermediaries (e.g. publishers that accept advertising from formula companies, WIC that gives out formula, etc.) to stop advertising and to ensure only accurate substantiated information is used.
Formula, like c-sections, provides a very valid function and shouldn’t have to be the “F-word”. However, when it is being marketed unethically, it is very hard not to make it into the F-word.
Thanks Annie-Bettina here. We have corrected the post so that it is clear the no advertising or marketing is allowed under the WHO Code. As you know, we have focused a large part of our effort on pressuring the media to stop accepting and publishing formula advertisements, we are very proud that Media Planet agreed to not publish one formula ad in the Pregnancy & Wellness Report supplement that was carried by USA Today in Chicago, Los Angeles and New York. We are educating and working with all of our media collaborators to ensure that breastfeeding information is evidence-based, positive, non-judgmental and WHO-Code compliant-many of them are in a bind because they have not been able to find advertisers to replace formula advertising but have decreased their ads and we believe they are moving in the right direction. We have also made some great contacts with WIC directors at the ILCA.org conference, will be updating you soon about that!
I understand the sentiment but I’m still disappointed to see the language you’re using - “benefits of breastfeeding” “choose to breastfeed”. NO, NO, NO. Breastfeeding is NORMAL (as you said) so there aren’t “benefits.” Instead there are RISKS of artificial feeding. That doesn’t make artificial milk into “poison” or “crap” but let’s be HONEST and not gloss over the truth here. And we don’t CHOOSE to breastfeed - again, it’s the biological norm. Healthy, undrugged babies WILL crawl to their mother’s breast after birth. The breasts begin leaking milk when the baby cries. Breastfeeding is how babies are meant to be fed, how they deserve to be fed, and a responsibility of moms to provide to their babies - not a “choice.” One can only choose NOT to breastfeed (or of course, in some cases it’s medically impossible or inadvisable, I realize that). Yes, let’s support all moms, but please quit with the formula company-speak.
“One can only choose NOT to breastfeed”
Love that
And I love this article! May be a combination on Rebecca’s comment and this article would be PERFECT!
I think this may have come up by the heated argument commenters got into on the BFB Facebook page. And I think Amy is trying to say here is not to judge. We have no clue why a mom went with the reason they did. How many people judged me when I was giving Austin fortified breast milk in a BOTTLE so his tiny 4 pound body would get some fat and not lose MORE weight working at the breast? Continue to educate but don’t be a jerk!
And Rebecca, I’m not saying you’re a jerk or judgemental, I just was commenting on the article in the reply to you. May be I should have done this better… LOL
Thank you Rebecca, you took the words out of my mouth! It is not a choice, and there aren’t any “benefits” to breastfeeding, only risks to artificial feeding. Let’s just be real here, we can do that without being mean.
On the rare occasion, a mother may not have the “choice” to breastfeed, because she may have no breasts due to treatment of breast cancer when she was 28.
Not likely to have happened to the particular mom you see in the park, but you never know.
BRAVO AMY! This is why I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE BfB!!! This is the exact approach to take. Not every mom is able to breastfeed for some reason or another and they do not deserve to be judged negatively. ALL moms deserve to be supported and informed in a non-judgmental way. Thank you for everything you are doing for moms….breastfeeding or not.
It never ceases to amaze me how women can tear eachother apart — as mothers, we can ALL relate to how overwhelming parenting can be in the beginning… having questions about a million things and not always having the time or foresight to write them down and proactively ask someone who can help.
Many women are intimidated by the pro-breastfeeding community because they (or their friends) have been treated as though if they don’t breastfeed, they are poisioning their child and contributing to a sub-par lifetime relating to how that child was fed during the first year!
I have first hand experience of hurtful opinions and judgement on both breastfeeding and formula feeding my children. Every single time another mother said a word to me about what I “was doing wrong” I simply smiled and pretty much said the same thing to all of them..
Did you lay in bed with your newborn for hours, just staring at how tiny and beautiful he was? Counting your blessings, in awe that you created life… Did you wake up throughout the night to comfort and cradle him - kissing him and taking deep, full breaths to smell that sweet baby smell? We do things some the same and we do things different… but we’re all MOTHERS - that’s something many people can’t relate to so we should use that bond to help eachother NOT HURT EACHOTHER!
Rebecca, Annie and Cassaundra- I direct my comments towards you ladies.
I’m proudly nursing my 21 month old daughter, and will do so until she decides to wean. I was lucky in my bf journey, I had a natural unmedicated birth (unplanned, it was just so fast we didn’t have time for any meds) and breastfeeding came naturally, my milk came in quickly, and I found a group of like minded mothers to ask questions and receive support. While I agree with your sentiments- breastfeeding is the natural way to feed not a choice, that more needs to be done against formula companies and even that there is no way for formula to be truthful. But honestly ladies, your attitudes are often what steers women away from getting breastfeeding support, and even cause those on the fence to decide to switch to formula. It is easier to catch a fly with honey than vinegar.
I applaud BfB for taking on such an unpopular (from ALL sides!) battle with such a positive attitude. Only by being realistic of the world we live in, and not being zealots will we succeed in the battle to normalize brestfeeding, without marginalizing those who don’t succeed at it.
I think there’s a fine line, and because it is so fine, it’s easy to cross it inadvertently.
Formula is a blessing, a miracle of science, to babies who are unable to breastfeed because of health issues, whose mothers can’t produce enough milk, or who have been orphaned or given up for adoption. And you never know which families fall into those categories or similar situations.
But at the same time, in “normal” situations-healthy mom and baby-breastfeeding IS best. It has been proven over and over to be better for the physical, mental, and emotional growth of the baby and mom. And it doesn’t do anyone any good to shy away from those facts. I think it’s ok to say it’s wrong to formula feed for convenience. I have relatives who do it-not because of any health reasons, but simply because they think it’s easier and just as good. And while I don’t think moms who are actually unable to breastfeed have anything to feel guilty about, if my relatives feel bad when they read a pro-breastfeeding article, I view that as the natural consequence if their choice, not as my fault for promoting what’s best for babies.
Maman A Droit… Beautifully said
I will never understand the “formula is more convenient” rationalization. Nothing in the world is better than not having to wake up in the middle of the night to feed your baby-because she latched on while you slept! Way better than dragging yourself out of bed to mix or warm a bottle of formula, or even having to walk to the crib to pick your babe up. Every two hours. I was a rested and relaxed mother of twins because I disregarded all of those rules of “convenience” that only serve to make mom’s lives really complicated. I urge mothers everywhere to test the convenience of breastfeeding and bed sharing compared to the what dubious experts tell us is safe and convenient.