And, we recognize what a difficult decision this can be! Women who don’t want to breastfeed are being put under more pressure with little help or understanding for how they may feel, or what obstacles they may face. We are here to help you. It is no fun being on the fence.
Believe me, I know, because I was a mom who was on that fence! That’s why I’m urging you not to wait until after the baby’s birth-like I did-to make your decision. Do your research now. The fact is, that while breastfeeding comes easily for some moms, for most moms, the hardest time to learn about breastfeeding for the first time, is after the baby is born, when new mothers are exhausted, vulnerable and at the mercy of myths and misinformation. Believe it or not, hospitals, nurses, doctors, families, and friends, while well-meaning and competent, may not be educated on the latest about breastfeeding and frequently have their own barriers to work through (see AAP, Policy statement on Human Milk). Add to that any personal unresolved issues you may have and now you have put yourself at an even greater disadvantage if you do decide to give it a whirl. Breastfeeding is just one of those important life events where you will do better if you are prepared and can hit the ground running. You wouldn’t show up to run a marathon without a strong resolve, some coaching and proper shoes, right? So, the best thing you can do for yourself and your baby is to explore the feeding issue – both your feelings and the facts about it-now, before the baby is born.
To help you make your decision, I’ve put some suggestions below-these are merely suggestions, the ones that I wish someone had mentioned to me before my first baby was born. I hope that they are helpful, and that you will take what you like from them and leave the rest. In any case, I wish you only the best on this amazing journey into motherhood.
If you don’t want to breastfeed:
(excerpted from www.breastfeeding.blog.motherwear.com/2007/04/how_much_does_b.html )
“A new meta-analysis (study of studies) from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services helps answer that question. (This study looked over 9,000 studies on breastfeeding from developed countries, weeded out the ones with poor methodology, and came up with an overall percentage for each one. This is harder than it sounds because “breastfeeding” is defined differently in each study. Nevertheless, here is what they found.)”
Breastfeeding is associated with a lower risk of the following diseases for your baby:
- Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS): 36% lower risk
- Type 1 Diabetes: 19-27%
- Type 2 Diabetes: 39%
- Leukemia (acute lymphocytic) : 19%
- Leukemia (acute myelogenous): 15%
- Asthma: 27%
- Gastrointestinal infections: 64%
- Lower respiratory tract diseases: 72%
- Atopic dermatitis: 42%
- Acute otitis media: 50%
Breastfeeding is associated with a lower risk of the following disease for mothers:
- Type 2 Diabetes: 4-12% lower risk
- Ovarian cancer: 21%
- Breast cancer: 28%
This study looked at the relationship between breastfeeding and only some of the diseases that breastfeeding provides some measure of protection against. More research is needed, but the evidence is growing all the time.
Bottom line is, only you and your doctor can weigh any risks from current medications you are taking vs. the risks of feeding your baby formula, and you owe it to yourself to be educated. You should also be aware that the World Health Organization says that screened, donated, pasteurized milk is a more suitable alternative than artificial milk (formula). They state that formula should only be used as a last resort-a message that certainly hasn’t made it into the mainstream! Hopefully, one day human milk banks will be as ubiquitous as blood banks, and all mothers who can’t breastfeed will have better choices.
4. Make your decision.
You’ve done exhaustive research and have confidence that you have made the best decision for you and your family. Some things you may want to consider:
Take baby steps. If you are one of those people (like me) for whom adopting healthy lifestyle choices is challenging, treat it like deciding to work out: set small, achievable goals, and give yourself lots of praise and rewards. I am not one of those people who could commit to training for the marathon, but I was able to get myself (kicking and screaming) to sign up for a 5 mile race. Similarly, when I was nursing my son, I kept saying, “okay, I’m going to do this just until Sunday, and then I am going to quit,” and then by the time Monday came around, I postponed weaning for another 7 days. Try committing to the first 6 days, then commit to another week, and so on, and you might find that the first month has gone by before you know it! Add another week at a time, and soon the first 4-6 weeks of the Learning Curve (link to (http://www.bestforbabes.com/prepare-the-learning-curve-of-breastfeeding/) will be over and you will have gotten the hang of it. In fact, just like those of us who hated going to the gym at first but came to enjoy the incredible feeling they have after an intense workout, your feelings about nursing may change as time goes on. You may even succumb to its ambrosia-like effects and fall in love with it!
Surround yourself with a cheering squad. It’s really, really important (did we say VERY!) to find people who believe in you, will cheer you on and remind you that you can do it! To lean on the sports analogy again: my husband bought me a membership to the gym and for four years I used it maybe 10 times. He liked to tease me that every time I went it cost him $500. Now I go to the gym at least twice a week. What changed? Two girlfriends roped me into going to an exercise class (the same ones that proceeded to sign me up for that 5 mile race), and what I would have hated doing alone, was actually fun to do with some friends. When my son was born, I thought I would never make it past a week of breastfeeding, let alone six months, and with the encouragement of others, I ended up nursing my son until he was almost a year and a half! If you don’t already have these women in your life, then go find them. You will find a ready-made cheering squad at a great breastfeeding support group. You’ll meet some great moms, learn lots of tips it would take you hours of internet surfing to find, and you’ll probably enjoy the whole transition to motherhood and nursing even more. You may even end up surpassing your expectations!
Find women you trust, and then take what you like and leave the rest. Just like an athlete would never hire-and would actually fire-a coach who said “give it a try,” didn’t have faith in you, or couldn’t bring out your best and help you succeed, you should take no less from the women (and the professionals) in your life. If you don’t like a particular breastfeeding group, keeping trying different ones until you find one that you do! All too many women get turned off by one person and then throw in the towel. Just remember, one overbearing militant breastfeeder does not speak for the rest of us-there are lots of great groups out there. Even if you only find one other nursing mother you like, at least you won’t be doing it alone! Beware of friends who have unresolved feelings themselves. You want to stick with the winners-women who have succeeded at breastfeeding and women who are self-aware enough not to rationalize. Basically, you want to find women who can cheer you on and bring out your best.
Find out what motivates you and make a list.
If you breastfeed, know that you will have days when you feel like super-nursing mom, and days when you’re tired, cranky, rushing around, and not in the mood. For those days, having a handy list that reminds you in your own words why you are doing this will help you get over the hump. When I felt like throwing in the towel, I thought about how my older sister would probably never let me live it down that she had breastfed for a year (granted, she lives in Europe, where it is much easier to breastfeed). I thought about the unpleasant smell of formula and how my initial reaction the first time I smelled it was that I wasn’t sure I wanted to give something artificial to my perfect, new, and clean baby (plus when I supplemented it made him painfully constipated). I thought about how the hormonal surge during let-down helped my post-partum depression, and that bonding with my baby during nursing made me feel good about myself as a mother. I reminded myself that I did not want to deal with washing and sterilizing bottles (I’m very forgetful and dreaded screwing up the mixing or leaving something behind). I think I turned the corner for good the day my mom pointed out how adorably my son quivered with joy every time I unbuttoned my blouse. In short, you may be motivated by breastfeeding’s incredible health benefits or you may not, but the key is to use whatever works for you. Also, try using imagery (See Learning Curve: See Yourself Successful) to help you achieve your goals. Imagery-positive mental imaging of your success-is a terrific tool and is what great athletes, entrepreneurs and leaders do and it works. In the early days and weeks, you may have to take it one feeding at a time, but you can do it!
Know what is truly second best. We understand that for many women, the hurdles to breastfeeding are truly too great. For example, although most medications are perfectly safe to take while breastfeeding, there are a few that are not. There are also some women who have been sexually abused and are too scarred from their experience to breastfeed. Still others face intense family and peer disapproval (another good reason to attend a support group-you’ll get lots of great strategies for dealing with disapproval). But here is the deal: as per the World Health Organization the second best thing to your breastmilk is not formula – it’s donated, pasteurized and screened human milk! So, even if you cannot — or choose not — to breastfeed, consider the second best and safest alternative for your babe. Let’s make donor milk as widely available as donated blood-your baby, and all babies, deserves the best! For more info, contact The Human Milk Bank Association, www.hmbana.org.
Written by Bettina Forbes, CLC
Brought to you by Best for Babes®
© 2008 by Best for Babes®, All Rights Reserved.
Source URL: http://www.bestforbabes.org/help-i-dont-want-to-breastfeed
Note: This BestforBabes® document is for educational purposes only, is not intended to diagnose or treat any medical condition, and
is not a substitute for
an in-person evaluation by a physician trained in lactation management or an
International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC).
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